My Head Hurts!
By Protesting Pete UNLV Rebel Yell: March 31, 2003

Hay man! The world is, like, destroying itself, and we were just out trying to stop it all from, like, you know, destroying itself. But this Bush guy, he’s like, you know, not smart, and doesn’t listen to the masses. Instead his goons, parading around in police uniforms, came out and hit me on the head just because I was, you know, teaching those evil corporations, like McDonald’s, a little thing about social justice.

We all know that McDonald’s is responsible for destroying great cultures all over the world and, like, other bad things as well. I was just avenging those great cultures, who gave up living in forests, and magic, and shrinking heads and stuff to eat at McDonald’s. Thos bastards bilt that glass window on the backs of like, pygmies or something, and then put their Nazi food advertisements upon it, when they should have been showing, like, something else.

So naturally, when a fellow protestor threw a rock at my head, I was nocked unconc--? out. But when I, like, woke up again, I threw that rok into the window that has been responsible for all evils in the world since, like, the dinosaurs died.

And for this great act of heroic undertaking the stupid cops hit me with a club and then took me to jail. I made bale though, thanks to Uncel Joe. Luckily my buds were still on the streets taking it to the man, so I went bak to join them. Then we carried some sines comparing Bush to Hitler, because they were both, like, stupid and stuff.

There were some, like, stupid people there protesting against us, and we, like, told them they were, like, destroying the world. All they culd say in response was some crap about self-defense, and tyranny, and weapons or something, I wasn’t really paying attention, but they were just stupid and stuff. At this point I think I collapsed or something becuz I had been bleeding alot. When I woke up again it was dark, and I like, bummed a ride from these other protestors who also collapsed.

When I got home my parents were asking me why there was blood all over my cloths and face, and I told them to, like, mind their own bisness and stuff. The protest was great though, we got to tell the stupid Bush and his stupid puppetmasters Cheney and Rumsfeld what the people think of the war.

Tho this stupid ass who writes for the skool paper keeps propping up the war, and that is pissing us all off. We all want to, like, kick his ass and stuff, because he is stupid and says stupid things and stuff. He’s like a jerk and deserves a good pounding so that he won’t, like, disagree with us anymore or, like, make fun of us and stuff.

Like, this war, is going to be the end of everything man, and I, like, don’t want everything to end. Saddam sucks man, but so does Bush, why aren’t we, like, attacking ourselves for a reg--? a, like, change of government? This is all, like, bogus man and the people of the world won’t, like, stand for it, man. And I for one won’t be here to prop up a corporate government that is annihilating the people of the world to buy up and use all the resources and people of the world so that their oil friends can eat rich and – oh! My head friggin’ hurts!