Blix is Fading Away
By Alexander Marriott UNLV Rebel Yell: March 27, 2003

As I watched the 24 hour war coverage on Monday I saw a most amusing spectacle, UN weapons inspector Hans Blix was professing to be excited about going to Iraq after Saddam is gone so that he can resume his weapons inspections.

Apparently the Swede has yet to realize he is no longer relevant, much like the organization he works for. After wasting everyone’s time for months with constant equivocations about how the Iraqis were doing this but not doing that and so on ad infinitum, he thinks he can just reinsert himself after the war is over. And the United States gets the label of arrogant!

Just think. If the UN hadn’t been determined to halt Bush back in August of 2002 we never would have seen the comically built Blix with his remaining strands of hair and rabbit like teeth. We never would have had the opportunity to see him trotting down the streets of New York as the media scrambled to get his words of wisdom about what was happening in Iraq even though he never seemed to be there.

His weapons inspection exploits were legendary, he single handedly failed to find the Iraqi weapons programs in the early nineties, and then claimed Iraq had none, because (and this sounds familiar) he had found no evidence. Luckily no one believed him and he was replaced, though he seemed to go nowhere, because after a decade he was right back where he had been even though all the other chief inspectors had moved on with their lives. Such as Scott Ritter, whose life consisted of luring underage girls into Burger King.

For some reason he is a weapons inspector even though he told MTV that global warming and pollution were bigger problems than Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction that both did and didn’t exist according to Blix. Of course the hot air spewing forth from his presentations couldn’t have helped the global warming situation.

But you can tell by looking into his eyes that he is genuinely sad that he’s no longer the toast of the town. For a while there the press was bowing to the all knowing Blix and pleading for information and he was there to satisfy all. If you wanted to know why Iraq hadn’t come clean he would tell you that they weren’t cooperating as much as he’d like. If you wanted to know why the United States seemed to be “rushing” to war, he would tell you that he needed months more and that he had yet to see any evidence of weapons. His seemingly split personality unfolded in such a way as to remind us of Al Gore’s search for a persona in the 2000 election.

I must say, I’ll miss Blix, never before have I witnessed such an inept and spineless man in my life. Yet he was a likeable guy, his goofy demeanor really prevented one from hating him, plus he was old, and we all know that old people deserve all of our respect and money.

Talk about the dustbin of history. Karl Marx is someone who has been tossed into the dustbin of history. The dictators of the 20th century have been stomped into it. Hans Blix though, I’m not sure he’s dustbin of history material, because we still remember what goes into the dustbin, as it stinks. Do we need to remember Blix though? I think not. Perhaps the black hole of history is a better place for him to go. Like the history of Indian chiefs throughout the history of the world, who cares? That information has slipped into the black hole of history, nobody could care less and hence no one knows who they are. Blix would be in good company, but can we ever forget that grin?